Index

<body topmargin=0 leftmargin=0 marginheight=0 marginwidth=0> <script type="text/javascript"> //OwnerIQ var __oiq_pct = 50; if( __oiq_pct>=100 || Math.floor(Math.random()*100/(100-__oiq_pct)) > 0 ) { var _oiqq = _oiqq || []; _oiqq.push(['oiq_addPageBrand','Lycos']); _oiqq.push(['oiq_addPageCat','Internet > Websites']); _oiqq.push(['oiq_addPageLifecycle','Intend']); _oiqq.push(['oiq_doTag']); (function() { var oiq = document.createElement('script'); oiq.type = 'text/javascript'; oiq.async = true; oiq.src = document.location.protocol + '//px.owneriq.net/stas/s/lycosn.js'; var s = document.getElementsByTagName('script')[0]; s.parentNode.insertBefore(oiq, s); })(); } //Google Analytics var _gaq = _gaq || []; _gaq.push(['_setAccount','UA-21402695-19']); _gaq.push(['_setDomainName','tripod.com']); _gaq.push(['_setCustomVar',1,'member_name','withoutmask',3]); _gaq.push(['_trackPageview']); (function() { var ga = document.createElement('script'); ga.type = 'text/javascript'; ga.async = true; ga.src = ('https:' == document.location.protocol ? 'https://ssl' : 'http://www') + '.google-analytics.com/ga.js'; var s = document.getElementsByTagName('script')[0]; s.parentNode.insertBefore(ga, s); })(); //Lycos Init function getReferrer() { var all= this.document.cookie; if (all== '') return false; var cookie_name = 'REFERRER='; var start = all.lastIndexOf(cookie_name); if (start == -1) return false; start += cookie_name.length; var end = all.indexOf(';', start); if (end == -1) end = all.length; return all.substring(start, end); } function getQuery() { var rfr = getReferrer(); if (rfr == '') return false; var q = extractQuery(rfr, 'yahoo.com', 'p='); if (q) return q; q = extractQuery(rfr, '', 'q='); return q ? q : ""; } function extractQuery(full, site, q_param) { var start = full.lastIndexOf(site); if (start == -1) return false; start = full.lastIndexOf(q_param); if (start == -1) return false; start += q_param.length; var end = full.indexOf('&', start); if (end == -1) end = full.length; return unescape(full.substring(start, end)).split(" ").join("+"); } function generateHref(atag, template){ atag.href=template.replace('_MYURL_', window.location.href.replace('http://', '')).replace('_MYTITLE_','Check%20out%20this%20Tripod%20Member%20site!'); } var lycos_ad = Array(); var lycos_onload_timer; var cm_role = "live"; var cm_host = "tripod.lycos.com"; var cm_taxid = "/memberembedded"; var tripod_member_name = "withoutmask"; var tripod_member_page = "withoutmask/index.htm"; var tripod_ratings_hash = "1732142152:29421dbb3dcb4ba4c16588a7914a8eb7"; var lycos_ad_category = {"find_what":"schizophrenia symptom"}; var lycos_ad_remote_addr = "209.202.244.9"; var lycos_ad_www_server = "www.tripod.lycos.com"; var lycos_ad_track_small = ""; var lycos_ad_track_served = ""; var lycos_search_query = getQuery(); </script> <script type="text/javascript" src="https://scripts.lycos.com/catman/init.js"></script> <script type='text/javascript'> var googletag = googletag || {}; googletag.cmd = googletag.cmd || []; (function() { var gads = document.createElement('script'); gads.async = true; gads.type = 'text/javascript'; var useSSL = 'https:' == document.location.protocol; gads.src = (useSSL ? 'https:' : 'http:') + '//www.googletagservices.com/tag/js/gpt.js'; var node = document.getElementsByTagName('script')[0]; node.parentNode.insertBefore(gads, node); })(); </script> <script type='text/javascript'> googletag.cmd.push(function() { googletag.defineSlot('/95963596/TRI_300X250_dfp', [300, 250], 'div-gpt-ad-1450204159126-0').addService(googletag.pubads()); googletag.defineSlot('/95963596/TRI_above_728x90_dfp', [728, 90], 'div-gpt-ad-1450204159126-1').addService(googletag.pubads()); googletag.defineSlot('/95963596/TRI_below_728x90_dfp', [728, 90], 'div-gpt-ad-1450204159126-2').addService(googletag.pubads()); googletag.pubads().enableSingleRequest(); googletag.enableServices(); }); </script> <script type="text/javascript"> (function(isV) { if( !isV ) { return; } var adMgr = new AdManager(); var lycos_prod_set = adMgr.chooseProductSet(); var slots = ["leaderboard", "leaderboard2", "toolbar_image", "toolbar_text", "smallbox", "top_promo", "footer2", "slider"]; var adCat = this.lycos_ad_category; adMgr.setForcedParam('page', (adCat && adCat.dmoz) ? adCat.dmoz : 'member'); if (this.lycos_search_query) { adMgr.setForcedParam("keyword", this.lycos_search_query); } else if(adCat && adCat.find_what) { adMgr.setForcedParam('keyword', adCat.find_what); } for (var s in slots) { var slot = slots[s]; if (adMgr.isSlotAvailable(slot)) { this.lycos_ad[slot] = adMgr.getSlot(slot); } } adMgr.renderHeader(); adMgr.renderFooter(); }((function() { var w = 0, h = 0, minimumThreshold = 300; if (top == self) { return true; } if (typeof(window.innerWidth) == 'number' ) { w = window.innerWidth; h = window.innerHeight; } else if (document.documentElement && (document.documentElement.clientWidth || document.documentElement.clientHeight)) { w = document.documentElement.clientWidth; h = document.documentElement.clientHeight; } else if (document.body && (document.body.clientWidth || document.body.clientHeight)) { w = document.body.clientWidth; h = document.body.clientHeight; } return ((w > minimumThreshold) && (h > minimumThreshold)); }()))); window.onload = function() { var f = document.getElementById("FooterAd"); var b = document.getElementsByTagName("body")[0]; b.appendChild(f); f.style.display = "block"; document.getElementById('lycosFooterAdiFrame').src = '/adm/ad/footerAd.iframe.html'; // DOM Inj Ad (function(isTrellix) { var e = document.createElement('iframe'); e.style.border = '0'; e.style.margin = 0; e.style.display = 'block'; e.style.cssFloat = 'right'; e.style.height = '254px'; e.style.overflow = 'hidden'; e.style.padding = 0; e.style.width = '300px'; var isBlokedByDomain = function( href ) { var blockedDomains = [ "ananyaporn13000.tripod.com", "xxxpornxxx.tripod.com" ]; var flag = false; for( var i=0; i<blockedDomains.length; i++ ) { if( href.search( blockedDomains[ i ] ) >= 0 ) { flag = true; } } return flag; } var getMetaContent = function( metaName ) { var metas = document.getElementsByTagName('meta'); for (i=0; i<metas.length; i++) { if( metas[i].getAttribute("name") == metaName ) { return metas[i].getAttribute("content"); } } return false; } var getCommentNodes = function(regexPattern) { var nodes = {}; var nodesA = []; var preferredNodesList = ['a', 'c', 'b']; (function getNodesThatHaveComments(n, pattern) { if (n.hasChildNodes()) { if (n.tagName === 'IFRAME') { return false; } for (var i = 0; i < n.childNodes.length; i++) { if ((n.childNodes[i].nodeType === 8) && (pattern.test(n.childNodes[i].nodeValue))) { var areaName = pattern.exec(n.childNodes[i].nodeValue)[1]; nodes[areaName] = n; } else if (n.childNodes[i].nodeType === 1) { getNodesThatHaveComments(n.childNodes[i], pattern); } } } }(document.body, regexPattern)); for (var i in preferredNodesList) { if (nodes[preferredNodesList[i]]) { if( isTrellix && nodes[preferredNodesList[i]].parentNode.parentNode.parentNode.parentNode ) { nodesA.push(nodes[preferredNodesList[i]].parentNode.parentNode.parentNode.parentNode); } else { nodesA.push( nodes[preferredNodesList[i]] ); } } } return nodesA; } var properNode = null; var areaNodes = getCommentNodes( new RegExp( '^area Type="area_(\\w+)"' ) ); for (var i = 0; i < areaNodes.length; i++) { var a = parseInt(getComputedStyle(areaNodes[i]).width); if ((a >= 300) && (a <= 400)) { properNode = areaNodes[i]; break; } } var propertyName = getMetaContent("property") || false; if( isTrellix && (properNode) ) { e.src = '/adm/ad/injectAd.iframe.html'; properNode.insertBefore(e, properNode.firstChild); } else if( isTrellix && !( properNode ) ) // Slap the ad eventhought there is no alocated slot { e.src = '/adm/ad/injectAd.iframe.html'; e.style.cssFloat = 'none'; var cdiv = document.createElement('div'); cdiv.style = "width:300px;margin:10px auto;"; cdiv.appendChild( e ); b.insertBefore(cdiv, b.lastChild); } else if( !isBlokedByDomain( location.href ) ) { var injF = document.createElement('iframe'); injF.style.border = '0'; injF.style.margin = 0; injF.style.display = 'block'; injF.style.cssFloat = 'none'; injF.style.height = '254px'; injF.style.overflow = 'hidden'; injF.style.padding = 0; injF.style.width = '300px'; injF.src = '/adm/ad/injectAd.iframe.html'; if( b && ( !isTrellix || ( typeof isTrellix == "undefined" ) ) ) // All other tripod props { var cdiv = document.createElement('div'); cdiv.style = "width:300px;margin:10px auto;"; cdiv.appendChild( injF ); b.insertBefore(cdiv, b.lastChild); } } }( document.isTrellix )); } </script> <div id="tb_container" style="background:#DFDCCF; border-bottom:1px solid #393939; position:relative; z-index:999999999!important">  <style> .adCenterClass{margin:0 auto} </style> <div id="tb_ad" class="adCenterClass" style="display:block!important; overflow:hidden; width:916px;"> <div id="ad_container" style="display:block!important; float:left; width:728px "> <script type="text/javascript"> if (typeof lycos_ad !== "undefined" && "leaderboard" in lycos_ad) { document.write(lycos_ad['leaderboard']); } </script> </div> </div> </div> <script type="text/javascript"> if (typeof lycos_ad !== "undefined" && "slider" in lycos_ad) { document.write(lycos_ad['slider']); } </script>  <div id="FooterAd" style="background:#DFDCCF; border-top:1px solid #393939; clear:both; display:none; width:100%!important; position:relative; z-index:999999!important; height:90px!important"> <div class="adCenterClass" style="display:block!important; overflow:hidden; width:916px;"> <div id="footerAd_container" style="display:block!important; float:left; width:728px"> <iframe id="lycosFooterAdiFrame" style="border:0; display:block; float:left; height:96px; overflow:hidden; padding:0; width:750px"></iframe> </div> </div> </div> <table cellpadding=0 cellspacing=0 border=0 height="100%"><tr> <td valign="top" width=185 BGCOLOR="#66CC66" TEXT="#080000" bgproperties="fixed" background="08e363e2dkelsk.jpg"> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <IMG SRC="09096960.gif" border=0 width="150" height="150" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <A HREF="interview.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Interview Wth Tracey May"><U><B>The Interview</b></U></A></div> <bR> <div> <A HREF="id24.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="The Book"><U><B>The Book</b></U></A></div> <bR> <div> <A HREF="about.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="About Us"><U><B>About Us</b></U></A></div> <bR> <div> <A HREF="id37.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Your Voice"><U><B>Your Voice</b></U></A></div> <bR> <div> <A HREF="id19.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Qutions Aswers"><U><B>Questions & Answers</b></U></A></div> <bR> <div> <A HREF="id25.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="The Language"><U><B>The Language</b></U></A></div> <bR> <div> <A HREF="id27.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Articles"><U><B>Articles</b></U></A></div> <bR> <div> <B>Case Histories</b></div> <bR> <div> <A HREF="id35.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Quotes"><U><B>Quotes</b></U></A></div> <bR> <div> <A HREF="id20.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="In Memoriam"><U><B>In Memoriam</b></U></A></div> <bR> <div> <A HREF="id21.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Poems"><U><B>Poems</b></U></A></div> <bR> <div> <A HREF="id39.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Links"><U><B>Links</b></U></A></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> </td> <td valign="top" BGCOLOR="#FFFFCC" TEXT="#080000"> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <A HREF="about.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="About Us"><U><B><IMG SRC="08c50370.gif" border=0 width="80" height="55" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></b></U></A><B>W I T H O U T   M A S K</b><A HREF="about.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="About Us"><U><B><IMG SRC="08d5a7d0.gif" border=0 width="90" height="125" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></b></U></A></div> <bR> <div> <A HREF="http://www.urbanweb.net/~schizo" TARGET="_top" TITLE="http://www.urbanweb.net/~schizo"><U><U>Moving to New Site: Closing October 31st. 2001</U></U></A></div> <bR> <div> W e l c o m e   T o   O u r   W e b s i t e !</div> <bR> <div> H<FONT SIZE="4" COLOR="#006633" FACE="Arial" > o p e    </FONT>A<FONT SIZE="4" COLOR="#006633" FACE="Arial" > n d  </FONT> H<FONT SIZE="4" COLOR="#006633" FACE="Arial" > e a l i n g   </FONT>F<FONT SIZE="4" COLOR="#006633" FACE="Arial" > o r   </FONT>S<FONT SIZE="4" COLOR="#006633" FACE="Arial" > c h i z o p h r e n i c s</FONT></div> <div> <IMG SRC="04658020.gif" border=0 width="600" height="2" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <I>We are still working on this site creating links, etc., so please bear with us. You should be able to use the e-mail links to contact us by September 23rd, 2001. </I></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <FONT SIZE="5" COLOR="#006633" FACE="Arial" >M</FONT>ission: </div> <div> To share a unique and insightful personal experience as a sufferer of schizophrenia that will give hope to those in despair. To make public information that, although controversial on some levels, will validate unverified inroads by those professionals who've managed to glimpse the secret world of the schizophrenic through their honest dedication to find the answers to a condition that has mystified the world for centuries. To work toward dispelling the myths and abolish societal stigmas so that those stamped with a so called 'mental illness' can continue with chosen careers and personal relationships, to realize their dreams. To show that it is curable, it is not biological, and that hope lies within. </div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> D<FONT SIZE="4" COLOR="#006633" FACE="Arial" >edication:</FONT></div> <div> We dedicate this website to sufferers and their families and to Dr. Jack Rosberg, M.A., whose lifetime dedication as a psychologist extraordinaire, has brought relief to thousands of sufferers and unusual insight to his profession. </div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> R<FONT SIZE="4" COLOR="#006633" FACE="Arial" >ecovery </FONT>I<FONT SIZE="4" COLOR="#006633" FACE="Arial" >s </FONT>P<FONT SIZE="4" COLOR="#006633" FACE="Arial" >ossible</FONT></div> <div> <B>©</b>Tracey May 2001</div> <bR> <div> As a child I suffered from Schizophrenia, in fact, it robbed me of twenty one years of my life. I am now thirty-five years old and completely recovered, enjoying a close relationship with a man and my two children. Some things still come up for me, things such as the stigmas and labels that every schizoprhenic has to live with, but I feel as though I've been reborn, that I'm living a second life, a good one this time.</div> <bR> <div> The voices, delusions, hallucinations, and fears, have become a part of my past but I am very concerned by the amount of false information circulating among mental health professionals and the general public about schizophrenia. As do most schizophrenics I kept my sickness well hidden for a very long time because I was afraid of what people would think and how they would react to me and my strange ways. After I recovered I decided to come forward so that others could benefit from my experience but was met with disbelief. The possibility of recovery is not a concept many are willing to address, professional or otherwise. Most people are confused and afraid of anything out of their standard of what they consider normal and they have been convinced that schizophrenia is a biological brain disease. </div> <bR> <div> Although people are still often reluctant to accept my story of complete recovery without drugs I continue to speak out because it is important to those searching for hope. Those seeking help need and deserve to know there is hope out there for them as there was for me. Sufferers are crying out for help and professionals and care givers are looking for alternative solutions to current therapies. They are beginning to realize there is much more to learn and that drugs are not the answer. Although I believe some drugs may be helpful for immediate relief from symptoms in the initial stages I now know that they would have made my recovery much more difficult and that prolonged usage might have made it impossible. </div> <bR> <div> I not only recovered from schizophrenia on my own and without drugs or any other therapy, I came away with the knowledge of exactly what it is, what it is not, and how I developed it in the first place. I also came away with an understanding of the language all schizophrenic's use to distance themselves from the pain. The language, of course, just like any other foreign language, needs to be decoded so that care givers and professionals can better understand how to communicate with their patients. It is not an easy task but one that is crucial if we are ever going to be able to raise people out of the hell they are living in every day of their lives.</div> <bR> <div> During the years prior to the manifestations of my own illness I did not really know that I was terribly sick or that the repetitive sexual and emotional abuses I was experiencing on a constant basis were the developmental stages of schizophrenia. I had cleverly crafted an entire imaginative world to protect myself from the bizarre realities of my life. It erased the memories of the abuse so cleverly that eventually I had no idea of the horrors I'd lived. </div> <bR> <div> The language was developed by taking what I'd learned about my environment and distorting it, using a kaleidoscope of words and images to distance myself from whatever painful event was happening at the time. Anyone suffering this tremendous mental anguish will do anything to avoid confronting the cause of their anguish, it therefore becomes a defence mechanism designed for survival. Schizophrenia has it's own logic and is the culmination of a consistent series of traumatic events rather than a single event or even a few.</div> <bR> <div> For instance, a single rape or even a series of rapes experienced by one individual will not bring about schizoprhenia. If a person were to display symptoms of schizophrenia from a single rape it would only mean that there had been other events prior to it that were just as traumatic for the victim if not more so. Many other dissorders such as Post Traumatic Disorder and Depression are always present before the onset of Schizoprhenia and it is when events that precipitate them are not dealth with properly that they continue to build until a single event becomes the 'last straw' so to speak; like filling a cup with water right to the brim and then the next drop makes it spill over. It's just as simple as that. </div> <bR> <div> When I was raped I imagined that the devil was chasing me, that he was after my soul. Rape is the most violent personal act against an individual that doesn't kill them and, therefore, something equally as violent and horrible is conjured up by the mind to parallel the experience. I guess, in a sense, the devil, since it is being used by the victim to distract the mind from the actual event, is a lesser evil since it is used as a means to avoid reality. </div> <bR> <div> To make sense of the metaphors and scrambled words used by the schizophrenic you have to listen very carefully in order to find the clues to the logic. During my recovery process I did not have to confront every single incident of abuse; I only had to remember and confront just enough of them to bring me out. I know there are more incidences I could explore but I feel it best to leave well enough alone. Once the first trigger came forward and I realized what had happened I made the conscious decision to complete recovery in a very short period of time so that I could get on with my life and make up for time lost. </div> <bR> <bR> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <I><B>Everything on this website is copyrighted  (all rights reserved) by Tracey May and/or Sandra Kelsey. </b></I></div> <div> <I><B>However, you are permitted to copy anything you like if your intent </b></I></div> <div> <I><B>is to benefit someone who does not have a computer.  </b></I></div> <div> <I><B>Reprinting for profit is against the North American copyright laws. </b></I></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <A HREF="mailto:withoutmask@home.com" TARGET="_top" TITLE="mailto:withoutmask@home.com"><U><B><IMG SRC="08b7d960.gif" border=0 width="125" height="150" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></b></U></A></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B> <div align="center"><p> <a href="http://pub39.bravenet.com/guestbook/show.php?usernum=3313905387&cpv=1"> <img src="http://images.bravenet.com/pub/viewbook.gif" border="0" width="100" height="35" /></a> <a href="http://www.bravenet.com/"> <img src="http://images.bravenet.com/pub/gbook.gif" border="0" width="100" height="35" /></a> </center>  </b></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B> <table cellpadding=3><tr><td> <FORM action="https://www.tripod.com/bin/search/pursuit" method="post" target="_top"> <table BORDER="0" CELLPADDING="4" CELLSPACING="0"> <tr> <td bgcolor="#000000"> <font color="#ffffff"> <a href="https://www.lycos.com/"> <img src="https://www.tripod.com/img/search/lycoslogo_66x25.gif" alt="powered by lycos" width="66" height="25" border="0" align="center" valign="0"></a> </td> </tr> <tr> <td bgcolor="000000" valign="center"> <font size="-2" color="#FFFFFF" face="verdana, arial, sans serif"> <B>SEARCH: </b> <input type="radio" style="background-color: black" value="tripod" name="cat" align="center" style="background-color: rgb(0,0,0); color: rgb(0,0,0)">Tripod <input type="radio" style="background-color: black" value="lycos" name="cat" style="background-color: rgb(0,0,0); color: rgb(0,0,0)" CHECKED>The Web </font> </td> </tr> <tr> <td valign="bottom" bgcolor="#000000"> <input type="text" name="query" size="14" maxlength="50"> <input type="image" src="https://www.tripod.com/img/search/getit.gif" alt="get it" width="63" height="19" border="0" hspace="0" vspace="0" align="bottom"> </td> </tr> </table> </FORM> </td></tr></table>  </b></div> <bR> <div> <B>  <script type="text/javascript" language="JavaScript"> sw="none";sd="none";ref=""+escape(document.referrer); </script> <script type="text/javascript" language="JavaScript1.2"> sw=screen.width;nav=navigator.appName; sc=(nav!="Netscape")?screen.colorDepth:screen.pixelDepth; </script> <script type="text/javascript" language="JavaScript"> function doit(str) {document.writeln(str);} qs="&sw="+sw+"&sc="+sc+"&ref="+ref; url='http://counter39.bravenet.com/index.php?'; url += 'id=348461&usernum=3313905387&cpv=1'; curl='http://counter39.bravenet.com/counter.php?id=348461&usernum=3313905387'; doit('<a href="'+url+'" target="_top"><img border="0" src="'+curl+qs+'" /></a>') </script> <noscript> <a href="http://counter39.bravenet.com/index.php?id=348461&usernum=3313905387&cpv=1" target="_top"><img src="http://counter39.bravenet.com/counter.php?id=348461&usernum=3313905387" alt="Bravenet.com" border="0" /></a> </noscript>  </b></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>         </b><A HREF="interview.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Interview Wth Tracey May"><U><B><IMG SRC="09732320.gif" border=0 width="50" height="50" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></b></U></A><B> </b></div> <bR> </td> </tr></table></body>